Ummm

Wow, do I ever take forever to post a blog! I have had a lot happen since I wrote the last blog entry. I stopped writing that stupid book after a friend laughed at my writing. Oh well. I am back in school at Blue Ridge Community College getting my degree in Environmental Science. I have a 3.14 grade point average after my first semester, and am doing ok this semester. I love school.
Lee Jr is now living with me since October 31,2010, and that has been a challenge in and of itself. I just found out he may have asberger's syndrome. He is violent and aggressive and hard to manage. He's 18 now and uses that against me and himself. He fights with me all the time.
I never see Tara and Dillon since Jr moved in, and they are out of control too. It's all so crazy.
Deuce died in August and I miss him so much every day. I have Leo still and he is a mess. We currently have a little rescued Manchester terrier Chihuahua mix we are fostering named Betty. She has a lot of health issues and costs a lot of money and time. i still have Junkie, only less 20 teeth,lol.
I'm still in the same broken down house, but it is slowly getting repairs. Today, the laundry room floor fell through in one spot and we found out the floor joist is broken and the wall for the laundry room and kitchen has separated and is falling, so it is getting fixed now. It's all so crazy!
My Uncle Steve is dying and it has my mind all jumbled up. He is the greatest man i have ever known, and it is unfair he has to go the way he is- lung cancer. I went to see him and he told me how much he loved me and told me not to cry. he wants me to be happy for him, but it's hard. Mom (Aunt Elenor) has Alzheimer's and is not in good shape herself, but for a few brief moments she knew me and talked to me. She looked in my eyes and got happy and asked me to stay. I cried the whole way back from Atlanta to Hendersonville. They say Unc is in his last few hours now, but he keeps trying to be strong. That's him alright. I wish I was there, but I would just be in the way. I feel stupid sitting by the phone and computer waiting for a message. I want to be there now! I don't mean to sound bad, but I can't miss school, and I have so much going on that I just have no choice but to sit by and wait. UGH. I feel like it makes me seem selfish. I don't know if I could handle it though. I do so love him. Boy, what I wouldn't give to hear the angels sing when he joins the ranks in heaven. One special angel will be joining heaven this week. If I was ever asked to name the best Christians I have ever known, It would be Mom and Uncle Steve. They just always did what was right by man and God. They have always been my heroes. I don't know what to feel, or do, or think about it all right now. I just know it's hard to believe.
I remember Uncle Steve as the "man of steel". He was always telling the boys to punch him in the stomach, and drinking vinegar with meals. The other day, I was not in the least bit shocked, but I did chuckle when He would only eat home cooking, and had to have his vinegar with his lunch. That's My Unc!! I have so many fond memories of those two. I thank God for letting them play the parts in my life that they did.
I wish I could have had a more social and pleasant trip with my cousins though. It was good to see them. I do so miss them all. It made me yearn for home. I must move home again one day. For now i will stay in my mountains.
I broke my ankle in November and am just getting the walking cast off in small increments this week. It's really a boot, but they call it a cast. It's healing well.
well, I guess that's good enough for a quick, catch up since the last entry. There is more I could add and say, but I'd be here for hours. There has been 17 deaths in my friends and family in the last year, and other than that I don't think there is much more significant to say.
For now- LIVE LAUGH LOVE
B

My new book

I'd like to post an exerpt from my newest attempt at writing a book. I lost my other one when my home was burned down in 06. It was too heartbreaking to start over after I already had written 18 chapters. I haven't found a title for my new one yet, but here's a short bit from it...

She'd been alone for quite some time, since her husband left 4 years ago for Iraq and never came home. She wasn't unhappy so much as lonely. She was sitting on her bed staring at the alarm clock. It was still on the nightstand on his side of the bed, she hadn't gotten rid of his belongings and everything in the house was still the same now as it was then. " I have to get ready for work," she said out loud to her dog, Kevlar. She was a pretty woman, 5'6" slender and in shape. Her hair as blonde as the noonday sun was as unruly as the wind. Celia Thompson was a strong gentle kindhearted woman. She slowly rose from the bed and reluctantly went to shower.Kevlar the faithful German Shepherd following at her heal. " No bath today silly dog, I have to work. We'll go to the park when I get home and you'll get your bath tomorrow." Unlike most dogs Kevlar loved water of any kind. He was a large white german shepherd with blue eyes, anyone that met him thought he was a wolf and were afraid when they met him, but were soon won over by his gentle ways. He whined begging for a bath. After she showered she made breakfast, bacon and eggs for her and Kevlar. As she sat down to eat the phone rang. "Hello?" she answered.It was her mother Bobbi, who was as beautiful as her daughter at fifty."hello darling. How are you today?"she asked hurridly. " I just called to see if you have plans for Friday night. I met the most darling man and I'd like you to meet him." Quick to answer Celia said," Mother you know I don't like blind dates. I'm just not ready to date yet." "Phooey!" Spat Bobbi." It's been four years since Paul passed, and at thirty two you're not getting any younger. Besides I still don't have any grand children, and I don't think your brother will ever settle down. He loves horses more than women I think." Her older brother Jarred owned a ranch and gave riding lessons to handicapped children. At 35 he was a handsome man but as weather worn as an old cow hand." He's a wonderful man please say you'll go. You'll like him andyou have a lot in common. He has a black German shepherd female that I'm sure Kevlar would enjoy too!"pled Bobbi. "Let me think about it Mother, I haveto get ready for work."growled Celia.She hung up the phone put the dishes away thinking about what her mother had said. It's true she's not getting any younger, but is she ready to date again? She still missed paul so. "well", she thought. "I don't have have time to worry about that now I have to get ready for work. She owned her own veterinary clinic, and helped the local rescues with their animal care.

Blogging...

I really haven't been faithful as far as blogging is concerned. I've become addicted to facebook. It's so cool- I can read about everyone I've lost contact with over the last twenty years and catch up. It's fun to interact live with so many people.I feel i have lost so much by losing these people in my life. There's nothing I can really do to make up for it, except say I'm sorry, and I've always loved and missed you all. I might have done better had I kept them in my life. I sure know they keep me going every day. Kind words, Support, and just plain seeing their lives and pictures makes me feel better. maybe I can help someone or make a difference, maybe not. I can, at least, let them know I'm paying attention now. I do care. And i kinda need them, more now than ever before. If you're a facebook friend reading this- thank you. I love you and I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you or done you wrong.
I've laid here in my house crying for 4 years- ENOUGH! I'm starting all over again,and this time, with the hand of God I'm going to do it right.I may say somethings someone doesn't agree with, or has a different opinion, but aren't we all supposed to have our own opinions on things? well, Mark my words- This year is my year for growth and change. I WILL SURVIVE, I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME. PHILLIPIANS 4:13

Well, it's 3:39am, and I'm still awake. Another insomnia night, with ambien. Oh well it gives me more time to research my studies before school starts!

Unwell Radio

Check out my radio station I created. This is the link to my profile www.pandora.com/people/bethsnikpmot click on Unwell Radio on the left under the orange radio tower. It's a mix I've selected of all music from classical to rock, 40's and 50's to today. If you don't like a song click the thumbs down, it'll skip it. If you like it click thumbs up. All feed back helps me build my radio station. You can listen up to 40 hours a month free, or subscribe for $36 a year. Join me on Pandora radio, where we have a choice in what is played! you may have to copy and paste the link, as I haven't perfected everything yet. all suggestions and feedback more than welcome!

The fur kids

Deuce is 11, Junkie is 11, and they have to put up with the new guys. Leo is a 9 month old Husky Lab mix. He's a trip. Buddy is a 1 yr old Boshih- Boston Terrier, Shih Tzu mix. I still Have Charlie the cat he's 8, and Mystic the cat, who is 2 now. It's a house full!!I'll add Buddy's pic as soon as I can.

Our House

THIS IS THE HOUSE WHERE LOVE GROWS!

Just rambling

I was laying here thinking about my dogs in my life! Oh how I loved them all So! There's been a few since I bred German Shepherds for almost 10 years.Each was so special and unique. But I always wanted to name one Kevlar to keep for myself to take Deuce's place when he's gone. Deuce has been everything you could ever want in a dog.A perfect dog til recently.From rescueing that 3 year old girl to saving my life a few times, and helping me when I get hurt. He wakes me up when I'm sleeping hard and in pain or night mare. He always reassures me like a person would or tries to use his body heat to make the pain go away. I swear he's more human than dog! Any way back to the Kevlar thing.I almost had Kevlar twice. Neither was here to work in Deuce's stead tho. The first was when I bred Thor and Ice Spirit. Ice Spirit died from complications of that Litter so it started bad. Only 5 of 10 pups survived birthing. Ice passed a week later Never being able to mother her pups. Her Mom Duchess took over and nursed them but care was up to me! Duchess had her own pups to care for.Her pregnancy was fine, but she went in labor early during an Ice storm outside in the Whelping kennel I made for her litter. She liked it outside all the time. She was born on New year's eve 3 years 2002 (Thor was born Christmas Eve 2002). The first pup was born in her shelter and she panicked and sat on him. I heard her and went and brought them in next to the fire.She had the next 4 and everything went wrong. The first one was a male, she'd hurt him when she sat on him. He was blind in one eye, and had severe pneumonia. I nursed him and kept him warm and gave him antibiotics and he thrived! I decided to keep him even though I already had the other 3 adult Shepherds, Deuce and Junkie. I named him Kevlar. when Bruce and I separated I was on my own. My friend always wanted Kevlar. He was beautiful- Solid white with the long shepherd coat. I gave him to him and he bought the other 2 pups that were left. He had lots of land. He had them fixed, etc. He promised to never chain them and had big lots for them when he left. They got loose all the time. He chained them 1 time and came home and they'd all 3 hung themselves. It broke my heart. I lost all my babies 1 by 1 shortly after the separation, til only Deuce and Junkie were left. I got a black pit mastiff mix at 5 weeks old. He was awesome- soooo smart. at 12 weeks he was obedience trained. I had Ideas for him. He was Kevlar! One day at 13 weeks he ate a plastic cat toy and I didn't know. Next day he was in bad shape. I took him to the vet but there was no saving him. I've lost a lot of my fur kids and they all hurt bad. I'm always worried about Leo. he's always into something whether indoors or out. He eats things he shouldn't. Dillon Named him after the white lighter on the show Charmed. He said this is the one that'll look after me. It makes me feel better too that I didn't name him Kevlar (I thought about it)or he probably wouldn't have survived all the crazy things he's done. Any way- Just rambling.